Topic: Are you a self obsessed loner and a wild conspiracy theorist?
Category: Horse Racing
Initial Post: 15th Nov
Posted by: frasier
after "Greg Wood`s" hard hitting article in fridays Guardian. where the majority of forum users were accused of being self obsessed loners and wild conspiracy-theorists. a large number of betfarians have been spending the weekend taking a long hard look at themselves.
is he really describing me?
well to help you decide whether you are a bit of a saddo, i have prepared an easy to use questionaire, simply answer each question as honestly as you can, then add up your scores at the end.
it really is that simple!
1) you are down the pub one evening enjoying a few drinks, when you spot a reasonably attractive woman smiling at you across the bar. do you.....
a) smile back before casually sauntering over and offering to buy her a drink
b) nervously smile back and consider sauntering over and offering to buy her a drink, then dismiss the idea completely, after all, why on earth would she find you attractive?
c) completely ignore her, then at the end of the evening follow her back to where she lives and steal intimate items of clothing from her washing line, before immediately rushing home and starting a thread on chit chat telling all your forum mates about the gorgeous girl you pulled down the pub!
2) its december 25th and your family have invited you to spend the day with them and share in the christmas festivities, do you.......
a) immediately accept their invitation and arrive at there house mid morning dressed as santa claus carrying a large hamper of food and wine.
b) begrudgingly accept and arrive around midday, then proceed to sit on the sofa slowly getting paraletic, but refusing to join in any games as you`re trying to watch escape to victory.
c) sit alone in your bedsit eating bernard matthews wafer thin turkey ham sandwiches, whilst continually logging onto betfair to see if any of your forum mates are online, but steadfastly refusing to post anything yourself because you dont want any of them to know that you dont have a life.
3) after heavily backing a well fancied runner, you are watching the race when you notice your selection ambling along casually at the back of the field without a care in the world, before trailing in a well beaten last, do you...
a) hope that everything is ok with the horse. after all its only money that you`ve lost .
b) become slightly annoyed that you have done your dough, but console yourself with the fact that these things happen occasionally and you can recoup your losses on the next race.
c) sit eerily quiet in front of your computer screen, simmering away at the injustice of it all, before leaping out of your chair, kicking the cat, hurling your half eaten pot noodle at the television screen, then starting numerous threads on the horse racing forum declaring ITS ALL BENT! ITS ALL BENT! much to the amusement of your forum mates.
4) after winning an obscure tipping competition and moving to spain, spending your days idly lying by the pool like a strategically shaved walrus, you start to suffer from delusions of grandeur and somehow convince yourself that you are more popular than you actually are, do you....
a) log onto betfair forum and and start exchanging banter hoping to make some much needed friends.
b) log onto the betfair forum and smugly start telling everyone how great you are not caring that everyone views you as a bit of a dipstick.
c) log onto the betfair forum and start randomly threatening people, offering to meet them in various pub car parks up and down the country, where you intend to beat them to within an inch of their worthless lives.
5) a new forum member arrives who proves to be more popular than you. often receiving hundreds of replies to any new threads that he starts. do you.....
a) chuckle quietly to yourself, after all it doesnt really matter does it, its probably just a flash in the pan!
b) become slightly agitated at the attention he is getting, and start retrieving all of his threads as they drop off the bottom of the page in a pathetic attempt to make it look as though you`re joining in the fun.
c) sit in your computer chair gripping the arm rests until your fingernails start to bleed. then spend six hours a day for the next two weeks obsessively replying to his threads, continually telling everybody how you`re too clever to get caught, whilst simultaneously thrashing around in the newcomers net like a six foot halibut.
6) one of your old non forum mates decides to pay you a visit, asking you if maybe you would like to go for a takeaway and a few beers, innocently offering to treat you to a KFC, do you......
a) thank him and tell him you quite fancy some hot and spicy chicken.
b) try and control the throbbing vein in your temple and ask him if he wouldnt mind going to burger king instead.
c) leap out of your chair in a fit of rage and start repeatedly hitting him about the head with your keyboard, whilst accusing him of being part of a top secret internet organisation that is out to destroy your life.
7) you`re watching the racing and a horse that was 30 lengths clear of its nearest rival at the last fence makes a mistake and falls, the jockey quickly remounts but is beaten into second place by the horse that YOU have selected. do you.....
a) thank god that both horse and jockey were completely unharmed during the incident.
b) smile smugly to yourself and impatiently start hitting the refresh button until your winnings have been deposited into your account.
c) cream your underpants and start leaping around your room in orgasmic delight, then immediately start a thread proclaiming 1.01 BEAT! 1.01 BEAT! much to the amusement of your forum mates.
mostly A`s
well done, you are perfectly well rounded individual with a healthy social life and a wide circle of friends.
mostlyB`s
oh dear, you really need to start getting out more, you should start to limit your computer time immediately, then visit some of your non forum mates before they begin to forget who you are.
mostly C`s
congratulations!!! you are officially a paranoid self obsessed loner suffering from psychpathic tendancies, please destroy your computer at once, and book yourself into an institution as your earliest possible convenience.
